Battle within me....desire vs right

It is everyday battle. 

Everyone is fighting it but not everybody cares what is the result like!

We all desire things in our lives, we all know what is right and what is wrong...right?

Not really...do we listen our heart? Soul? Mind?

Do we listen at all? 

When certain thing happens in your life you change. 

You will notice that something has woken up inside you, something you knew was there but asleep, overheard, silent. 

I was always there, it whispered to you every second of your life but you just didn't hear it or did but ignored it.

Now is loud, strong, it has its own voice which you can hear among thousands in your head.

It is the "right thing to do" voice. 

Just yesterday it was just a faint voice, merely a whisper...

Today is it a laud shout of a beast telling you not to cross the line. Not to listen "desire".

"Desire" has a soothing and elegant voice, sweet and euphoric. It was there since we were born and it can be heard almost always. It feels like it's even part of us, part of our being, our own nature. 

Well, yes...it is but it was meant to be just as an accompanying voice. But within this society it became the leader, the God, the must, something that imprisoned  all other voices. 

Not any more. I can hear the "right" voice, I don't have to even ask...I just know now.

And that's why the battle began. 

"Desire" doesn't want to give up so easily, it's fighting to death and using all the weapons it can reach. 

The most natural thing is to listen the "right" voice and let the "desire" help.

So why is it so difficult? 

Why can't we just do the right thing in every moment of our life?

I believe that we are here to learn, to feel, experience...and the most crucial part....to help each other. 

To help when somebody stumble, when the "desire" lead and the soul is trapped.

If we listened the "right" voice, we couldn't learn....experience, feel. 

It would be pointless to be here. 

So calm down and listen...and you will be able to do whatever you wish for and do it RIGHT.

You have all the tools to live a happy life, you just need to listen and act on that. 

Calm your mind, listen to your soul and everything else is going to be just RIGHT :)

I'm crying with the smile on my face

If you ever knew, what’s inside me,

So much colours and shapes,

It is trapped there, waiting to be unleashed!

Music makes it alive and it wants to get out,

Out to the world…sing, write, paint….CREATE things!

I’m crying because I can feel it, feeling to fill my soul,

To the point of no return, I’m afraid I can’t take it any longer.

Few more colours will trap inside me and my whole world will burst.

Is there no way to let it out without killing myself?

I ask you! There must be a way.

There are many…actually! It’s just…I failed every one I've tried.

Can’t get them out on paper, can’t paint them, can’t create them in the way I feel them.

Feel…..that’s the only thing I have left.

I can still feel them….they are making me sad with smile on my face,

They are making me cry with warm feeling in my chest.

It is there…sitting and waiting for the way to let it out.

I’m not without hope, I know my time will come and I’ll share them with someone, something….

And they will feel the same…

It’s going to be colourful, full of sunlight and warmth spreading from the earth.

This is the dead end for now. They are still growing and there no room to expand.

Music can heal, let the few bubbles out so I can still exist in this world for now.

But for how long….

Farewell for now my friend….wait for me…I’ll return with the solution.

Vzhliadnut ku hviezdam

Co tam vidíte?

Vzdy, ked sa zadivam na nocnu oblohu, plnu hviezd, citim zvlastny pocit. Akokeby som sa pozeral na svoj domov, zvdiateny ale domov. Citim, ze tam v dialke ma moja dusa domov.
VZDY sa mi spustia slzy, citim neskutocnu lasku a tuzbu. Citim sa odputany od miesta kam patrim, odkial som prisiel a kam sa chcem vratit. Je to akoby vas ktosi zobral s narucia vasej milovanej matky a vlozil do ruk cudzej osoby.
Co je TO? Co je to, k comu som priputany a tuzim po tom nesmierne. Je to asi najsilnejsia tuzba, ktoru som kedy mal a ktora pretrvava.
Preco tie slzy a preco citim tolko lasky, pocit bezpecia...a preco je to tak daleko???
Tieto vsetky pocity su vo mne a predsa mimo mna, tam v dialke.
Osobne si nemyslim, ze sme prisli z vesmiru-fyzicky, ale ako potom si mam vysvetlit tie pocity?
Stelesnuju nieco? Viac menej cely svoj zivot si tu pripadam ako na dovolenke, ze toto nie je moj domov, ale iba prechodna stanica. Miesto kam vas daju, aby ste sa nieco naucili a potom vas zoberu spat.
Tak to aspon citim. Ale kde to to spat? Ako dlho tu musim ostat? Ako viem, ze uz je cas? Je to na mne, kedy sa rozhodnem ist "domov"?
Mam tolko otazok a tak malo odpovedi....
Verim v boha, nie cirkev....Tieto otazky ma v sebe asi kazdy ale kde v sebe najst tie odpovede?
Mal som obdobie v zivote, ked sa mi odpovedi dostavalo a neboli z "druhej ruky". V mysli som si polozil otazku a este predtym ako som ju dopovedal som vedel odpoved....nie nebola z mojej hlavy.
Bolo to obdovie, kedy som pocuval svoje "VNUTRO". Proste, ked som mal pocit, nutkanie, ze mam nieco spravit...urobil som to. Vedel som, kedy mam cudziemu dievcatu na ulici povesdat, ze ma krasny usmev. Vedel som, kedy mam prebehnut cez dve cesty, elektrickovu trat a pomoct cloveku na druhej strane s vysypanym nakupom. Vedel som co mam povedat skupine chalanov, ktory sa rozhodli, ze si do mna kopnu.....s nechapavym vyrazom v tvari sa otocili a odisli.
Vedel som co je SPRAVNE a co NIE. Vedel som, kedy mam utekat na autobus aby som ho stihol a kedy ho zmeskat aby sa dozvedel nieco dolezite od ludi na zastavke.
Zivot mi vtedy prisiel tak krasny a jednoduchy. Citil som sa tak naplneny ako nikdy predtym a ani potom.
Pocuval som svoje "vnutro". Nic viac. Take jednoduche. :)
Sksute si predstavit, ze si polozite v hlave otazku....ste v zaparenom autobuse, drzite sa aby ste nespadli a v tom zapocujete rozhovor dvojice za vami. "BUM" prave o vasej polozenej otazke.
Alebo iny den vam nieco vrta v hlave....prechadzate sa a kedze je vonku krasne, lahnete si na makku, vonavu travu pred kostol. Zahladite sa na modru oblohu, uzivate si slnko a pohodu a v tom zacne omsa. Zapocuval som sa do kazne a neverim vlastnym usial. Knaz mi dava odpovede na moje otazky.
Ako je toto mozne? Niekedy sa mi dostali dopovede na moje otazky este pred tym ako som si ich povedal v mysli, inokey mi ich priniesli cudzi ludia.
Stacilo pocuvat svoje vnutro.
Vsetky tieto otazky boli ako obycajne typu "kedy to bude ta vystava obrazov?" az po otazky bitia "preco sme tu". Tie zlozite neboli urcite z mojej hlavy....nie, ze by som nebol inteligentny ale takto daleko mi moja inteligencia nesiaha:)
Kazdy to ma v sebe, mozno zakopane, zapadane prachom, pochovane pod tonami zeme ale ma. Staci to odhrabat, oprasit a zacat pocuvat. Moj zivot sa odvtedy dost zmenil, ale za poslednych par rokov som postupne prestal pocuvat a myslim, ze je na case si poriadne vycistit usi zacat odznova.